A HUNDRED YEARS HENCE 2: MY TWO LOLAS

Life, like humans, is a nomad. It continues to touch people then move on. Like the gentle stirring of the tree’s branches as the wind gently kisses it, so too, is life. It touches you and transforms you, and like an end to a growing crescendo it fleets away like a dying ember. But with the imprint left behind, it changes you.  And in the process alters you for the better.

They are wives, mothers, and my Lolas. Two complex individuals, with each other’s differences, yet, like notes to a harmony, work together.

The first one was widowed in her early life. With 3 young girls in tow, she managed to bring them up as smart as smart can be and reared a lot of grand children in the process.  Her name was Lola Deling.

The second one raised ten children which eventually gave her dozens of grandchildren and great grandchildren. She even survived the original Ka Ponyong by more than two decades. Her name was Lola Talia.

Two complex individuals. Two distinct personalities. Two views on life.

One, a strict disciplinarian. The other, a silent spoiler. The first one, a traditional grandmother, the second one, a hip granny complete with sunglasses and bandana.

Lola Deling, as we all fondly call her was your traditional lola. I never saw her dressed up, as she was always garbed in her favorite “duster”.  Her favorite passion is cooking. My love for cooking came from her. She influenced me and taught me to cook. She was my on-hand mentor when cooking up something. Without Google then, she is just a phone call away, when I am seeking for the cooking instruction of a certain meal.

When we were kids, she runs a small sari-sari store. And every morning before I go to school she would give me baon of ten cents. Which I will save until after school is over and the minute I jumped out of our sundo, I would go straight to her store and buy ice candy (for 5 cents) and my favorite Beatles biscuit (for another 5 cents).

Later in her life, she lived with us. And during that time I experienced her strict disciplinary way of, well, disciplining us. She became famous for her “rasyon”, with seven of us kids and very meager food, she will patiently divide the food into equal parts so there will be no “lamangan”.

Because of her, I know the taste of Perla, the detergent soap. Whenever I say a swear word, or I tell a lie, she will take me to the kitchen and wash my mouth with detergent soap, “to cleanse my mouth of foul language”. She practised corporal punishment for every infraction I do. I’ve endured the broom handle, “pingot” and the dreaded “kurot sa singit” which for me was the worse punishment ever.

When my aunt’s family decided to live in Naga City, she went with them to take care of my cousin. When she came back, she has grown utterly old, albeit living only in Naga for I think 3 or 4 years.

From then on, she lived in my aunt’s house and I would visit her frequently as the house is only a block away from us.

As I grew older, she has been the constant guide in every step I do. She constantly taught us how to deal with life. And even came to my defense when things got rough.

My frequent visit continued as she grew older. And during those times, she imparted in me lots of lessons. From how to handle my money, to how to deal with my siblings, to how to survive.

One time during my visit, she handed me the Black Book my mother left for us. I will never forget her agony and despair when my sister died.  It was a heart rending moment which was captured on cam and preserved in my memory forever.

She left us peacefully in 1998.

I was told by my Tita that during the last few hours of her life she kept lamenting how unready she was to die because, I and one of my cousin is still single and wanted to see yet her apo from us first.

She was a Spanish mestiza, and her background was somewhat cloudy in my mind, I remember she was originally from Cebu, how he end up in Agdangan, I never knew. Her Castilian features were passed on to most of her children, grandchildren and eventually the entire Andalis clan.

Lola Talia, on the other hand, was physically present during my early years, she lived with us a few months after my mother died. I don’t have much recollection of her during my early years, except that she oftentimes kept herself busy with her latest crochet projects.  She would take us to Agdangan together with our Lolo Ponyong during summer to experience the rural life. The beach is something we always looked forward to when we visit the place.

She left for the USA together with my Lolo when I was in grade school. And unlike my Lolo who never got to go back home when he was still alive, my Lola would travel frequently back to the Philippines to visit us. Still carrying the tradition of bringing us to Agdangan during summer, she would continue doing so for so many times she visited the Philippines that Agdangan became our second home.

Being a spoiler, she managed to send me greeting cards with money inserted during my birthday and send us gifts in balikbayan boxes during Christmas. We always gathered around the box as it was opened waiting for that genuine waft of a scent we always associate with “stateside” . She often asked us what we need and she would send it to us. In exchange, we always send her letters every time one of our aunts or uncles visited the Philippines.

She was the one who introduced me to wearing long pants when it wasn’t required yet in elementary school. I was the first student who wore pants and it made me feel an adult back then. She was the one who cajoled me and influenced me to study in a seminary in high school. She even went with me to the seminary to take the exams and again during the final interview with the rector. She was so excited with my decision that she even agreed to serve as my sponsor.

I will never forget my father’s joy when for the first time in his life he will be graced by my Lola’s presence on his birthday. My father was so happy that day that he even announced it during his speech during the gathering prepared for his bash by his staff.

High school and college years passed by so quickly that during this time, I became busy with growing up, meeting new friends and enjoying new independence. She was present during my high school graduation, well not in the ceremony itself. But she was back in the Philippines.

Being a constant spoiler, I received so many gifts from her. My first Viewfinder, my first remote controlled car, our first colored TV, my first set of underwear (hahaha), my first cardigan, the calculator that accompanied me as I was doing my majors in college, to name a few. But more than those material things, she never failed to send us her love in each words eloquently written in her penmanship.

She went home again to bury one of my aunt. And after not seeing her for a long time, I embraced her  and the moment I let go, she immediately inspect my left eye. I never knew what was going on in her mind that time. And I never got to ask her, but it was the first time someone touched my left eye and brow and with so much motherly care that I never knew and felt before.

The last time I saw her was when my sister died. The irony of it is that it would have been a joyous occasion but except for the reason why she went back home.

As years went by, her health slowly deteriorated.  And in the summer of 2001, she left us.

Words cannot described how I felt when I received the news. What made it even harder was that I was tasked to accompany my father and wait for the release of her cadaver. Inside that wooden crate was my Lola whom I looked up to. Tears came flowing down when we did a quick stopover in Lucena for a check and retouch of her make-up. And when the funeral staff opened her casket, tears welled uncontrollably.

One of my most joyous moments I will forever hold in my mind was when their paths crossed. I would accompany Lola Talia during her visits to her balae, Lola Deling, every time she’s back in the Philippines. And she never failed. They would talk endlessly with the usual kumustahan and other stuffs only grandmothers know. Deep in me, I feel elated that the two women I ever loved crossed path not just once, but several times, if I could only freeze that moment in time.

This year, the two women whom I ever loved, and kept so close in my heart, would have turned 100. Two women who taught me so much in life. Two women who touched me and understood me, who feels what I feel and knows me inside and out. Two women who inspired me to go on no matter what. Two women whom I felt, proud in my accomplishments, however small it may be.

HAPPY 100^th BIRTHDAY LOLA TALIA & LOLA DELING.

IN MEMORIAM

ADELAIDA CASTRO VILLAREAL                           NATALIA AGUILAR ANDALIS

1912-1998                                                                         1912-2001