KA PONYONG'S ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL GUIDE

After decades of careful and in-depth study of zombies and their attitudes, techniques and killing execution through the help of such films as Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, and even the game Left4Dead and Plants vs. Zombies, Ka Ponyong has come up with fail safe guide to survive the coming Zombie Apocalypse. So whenever you think you find yourself into similar conditions, you will know what the possible outcome will be. 

1. The weakest looking, geeky, fat or your ordinary kid will be killed first.
2. The libidinous couple raging with sex hormones who chose to boink in the woods will be killed next. Usually the guy will be executed first, then the girl will run to the deeper forest, will trip and produce an ear splitting scream that will fill the entire forest (insert wide angle shot of the forest) and then die.
3. The police or any authority who will attempt to save you will be attacked next, usually falling face down (insert extreme close up of a catatonic expression) leaving behind a trail of blood.
4. The gym fit guy who's the school's football (or baseball or basketball) hero, will prove that he is indeed a hero by protecting the remaining survivors will die next. Usually receiving the most violent death.
5. The black guy who everybody loves will attempt to device a plan to survive the attack but will eventually fail. He will turn into a zombie.
6. The love interest of the main protagonist will be the next victim.
7. The protagonist, along with a few friends who managed to stay alive will device a plan to kill all the zombies by gathering all the artilleries.
8. An unexpected hero will come, usually someone whom the remaining survivor will doubt, but will eventually lead the assault. But he will later die, fighting.
9. A moment of lull will be expected before the final onslaught where feelings will be unraveled and secrets revealed. The main protagonist will likely hold a grudge against the zombies who may have killed his parents or exhibit extreme anger for the death of his love interest.
10. The Final Assault will most likely be heralded by a growing crescendo of orchestrated background music.
11. The final battle will always be bloody, with the remaining survivors decimated to half.
12. Amid the fighting, the main protagonist will have a moment of indecisiveness when he met his love interest and found that she has turned into a zombie.
13. A melodramatic background music will usually mean the main protagonist is having a hard time making a decision. If the music switch into a high adrenalin music, the main protagonist has come up with a decision and will kill the love interest. 
14. The switch back to melodramatic music coupled with effects such as rainfall and lighting usually suggest the love interest is dead, at which point the main protagonist will produce a guttural/heavy sigh.
15. The main protagonist, powered by adrenalin, anger, and steroid, will decapitate, maim, kill all the remaining zombies.
16. You'll know the attack is over when the sun shines.